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Thread: A Bridge To...?(Adelaide)

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    Aurelias Kazaar's Avatar
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    A Bridge To...?(Adelaide)

    continued from here

    Brentaal IV- The Foppa Kesler Cemetery- Two Miles Outside Of 'Mandy-town'

    Hardly ever rained on Brentaal, but when it did it was like buckets poured outta th'sky. It drenched th'land, washin' it clean from all th'industry, pollution, smugglin', and all th'other fine stuff which made Brentaal th'planet it was. Wasn't a bad place t'live; helluva lot nicer than Nar Shaddaa or Tatooine but left 'nough t'be desired. Except f'when it rained. When th'water poured outta th'sky, soaking his skin, drenchin' his hair, helpin' him think. Kazaar loved th'rain. Especially now.

    He hadn't touched alcohol f'almost two weeks, which was th'longest he'd gone without a drink inna while. Normally he'd grab a beer with dinner, then a shot or two later on at night (just t'take th'edge off), but he hadn't felt like drinking. It'd been tough, especially after Del's letter. Kazaar ended up spending four hours just kinda starin' at it, reading it over and over 'gain. Tryin' t'understand how he'd missed seeing his kid even once. Estelle'd spent most of th'time with him, just there in support. Th'odd thing 'bout it was, he'd asked her t'be there...just show her support. She didn't have t'say anything, just be there. Kept him from going off into the abyss...which when ya think 'bout it...wasn't a good idea.

    But when th'time came for Kazaar t'head for Brentaal, he asked t'do it alone. "Gotta handle this myself, Kid." He'd told her as he strode up the ramp to The Flying Dutchman. "Much as I appreciate ya help, I need t'do this alone. I gotta see my son's grave."

    So here he was. Starin' at the grave Jason Russard had paid for with his own creds. Wasn't too fancy (neither Kazaar or his ex-ex-wife were), but it made its point. A small holographic portrait was at th'top of the gravestone, ever shinging. The boy's face was his own, just with more happiness and Adelaide's eyes. He had a podracer in his hands and looked up into Kazaar's eyes and smiled. "Brentaal 'Ace' Kazaar." The insciption read. "A racer kept off the track. Taken before his time." Kazaar closed his eyes as he read the heartfelt words, his left hand brushing the water offa his face. It was a futile gesture, given the drenching rain, but a gesture none the less.

    Plus, it kept the tears from stinging his eyes.
    Last edited by Aurelias Kazaar; Jun 14th, 2008 at 11:31:04 PM. Reason: spelling


  2. #2
    Adelaide Kasperian-Kazaar
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    Adelaide watched from the steps of the mausoleum entrance, the overhang of the grand marble facade giving her shelter from the continuous rain.

    Kazaar was just visible from this distance. A dark figure with stooped shoulders wrapped in a long black coat that dripped rivulets of rainwater from its hem. He had been standing there for some time now and all the while, Adelaide's heart weighed heavy. She knew how he felt - overwhelmed - for she felt the same way. They had both been run over by a freight-train of grief that barrelled over them not once, but time and time again, as waves of regret and recrimination recalled themselves to each one with an unforgiving persistance.

    Aurelias had hardly strung more than two words at a time to her since he had arrived early that morning, his interest only in knowing where he might find Bren. He'd barely looked at her. And Adelaide had barely looked at him. She knew he wouldn't stay in Brentaal long. Perhaps it was just as well.

    In the cold damp of mid-morning, her back chilled her as she leaned against the support of the old stone hall, The grey clouded sky showed no promise of a reprieve from the downpour. Adelaide Kasperian-Kazaar waited for her husband to say goodbye to his son, and, with small hope, that he would by some miracle come back to her.

  3. #3
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    His eyes moved from one Kazaar grave to another just next to it. There wasn't much to this one, a lot less than Bren's simple grave. It was the grave of his parents, mottled with age and decay. Kazaar hadn't been 'round when they'd died, he'd been workin' for Gorgja at th'time. When he'd been told of his parents' death, Kazaar'd gotten rip-roarin' drunk and killed three stormtroopers. His actions caused him t'miss his parents' funeral and since the Empire never bothered turnin' in any remains, their graves were empty. With bitter thoughts, Kazaar patted Bren's grave. 'Least there was a body restin' in this one.

    He turned away from the gravesite, headin' back towards the entrance where Adelaide waited. His booted feet *clomped* in th'muddy ground as he strode past well-worn graves of various families, patrons, and warriors; all of which stared at him with some of their holographic eyes. It was an unnervin' sight, but Kazaar didn't bother starin' back. They were all dead.

    Kazaar brushed a couple locks o'hair from his eyes and stared up at Del. "Memorial's fittin'. I'll be sure t'thank Russard when I get back tomorrow."

  4. #4
    Adelaide Kasperian-Kazaar
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    So, tomorrow. He was staying even less than she'd expected. S'pose that was all he could bring himself to give, she thought bitterly. She couldn't blame him, yet it was hard not to feel disappointed.

    Adelaide nodded her silent agreement that thanks were due to Jason for his provision. It was his way of helping them out. "He was a big help while he was here" she agreed.

    She hadn't moved from against the wall, she didn't dare. She could so easily just fall into Aurelias, holding him tightly to her and burying her sadness into the strong frame of his chest. She wanted him to take some of the burden from off her, to have him soothe away some small part of her desolation. But she didn't dare. If he pushed her away, held her at arms length, the rejection would shatter the fragile calm she had armed herself with in order to just get through this morning.

    She dropped her eyes to hide her desperation, "You have to go back so soon?"

  5. #5
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    "Gotta job t'do, Del," Kazaar's reply was simple. He really wasn't in th'mood t'talk to his ex-ex-wife. All th'stuff she'd put him through, all th'stuff she'd been through. Part of him wanted t'tell her it'd be okay, but that'd be a frackin' lie. It wouldn't be okay. How could it? He'd been lied to. No matter how much it was justified (and it was...'specially with th'fact it involved their son), Kazaar was still pretty pissed 'bout not being given a choice in th'matter.

    "Ya gotta understand that. Longer I stay away, more th'Kid is left unprotected."

  6. #6
    Adelaide Kasperian-Kazaar
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    "Of course" she murmured.

    As if that girl couldn't protect herself. From what Adelaide had seen, Estelle would do just fine on her own for a while.

    "You're quite fond of her, then?"

    Why was she even asking this? What sadistic quirk made her want to know? Adelaide wished the words back the moment she'd said them. As if she wasn't feeling wretched enough.

  7. #7
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    "I dunno, Del," Kazaar shot back, his anger startin' t'boil over. He was mad, mad at th'entire situation. He, Del, Bren, that damned Albino stickin' his pasty head where it didn't belong. Most of his anger was turned inwards, cursin' himself f'not bein' able t'walk away from Gorgja. Even if he'd left a month later, it was exactly that. A month later. A month after Adelaide'd decided it was too dangerous t'be 'round him. Too dangerous t'raise a kid. Their kid. His frustration made 'im lash out. "Maybe it's cause I know she ain't gonna leave me at a moment's notice.

    "And no." He snarled, barely keepin' her from speaking. "It don't matter if ya came back're not. The situation was a helluva lot different then. Ya needed m'help. So I helped ya. Outta th'fact it was our boy involved.

    "What th'frack do ya want from me?"

  8. #8
    Adelaide Kasperian-Kazaar
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    What did she want? The frell if she knew. Mostly she wanted to not feel so devastated. To feel that, though her choice had been so very hard on everyone, the situation with Crei had villified her somewhat. It was, afterall, that connection to Kazaar that had brought the Albino scum-lord into her and Bren's lives.

    But there it was. The gap that yawed between them, the massive gulf that would hold them apart forever, that should forgiveness ever be given her by Aurelias, the deed itself would never be let go of. He would hold onto that for ever.

    "Yes, I came to you for help" she fired back, "And that was the only reason. I would be a fool to forget that no one ever crosses you, Aurelias, and are not exacted every pound of flesh for it.

    But dont think for a minute this all falls on me" she accused, "It was your history with Crei that forced my hand. It was your activities that made me run in the first place. And it was your revenge that kept you from spending one hour with a son you never deserved!"

    Hot tears burned her cheeks and her whole body shook as she glared at Kazaar. How could she ever think he could show her any compassion, now or ever? She was such an idiot.

    She moved toward him now, finding strength in her anger, "I want you to not take the easy way and leave this all at my feet. I want you to think that, just maybe, you aren't completely blameless that I thought Bren safer with me than anywhere near you"

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    "Ya ever bother t'think Adelaide!" Kazaar spat. "Maybe I blame m'self for a helluva lot more than ya think I do! I'd blame m'self for my parents death if I could.

    "So yeah, while I'm pissed at ya and spent a good seven years of m'life hatin' ya and that damned fake prissy boytoy of yas (whose got more stones than I give 'im credit for. Guy took a beatin' without even blinkin' an eye). It don't mean I'm blameless!" He threw his hands up in th'air, water splashin' into Del's face. "Ya think, if I coulda, I would've been faster 'gainst Crei's little droid. Ya damn right I would've been. And I woulda brought his head back to ya as a gift of some kind."

    The words were pourin' out now. "Ya think I didn't want t'meet Bren? He was a partta me. Partta what we had.

    "What th'frack do you know 'bout me!?!"

  10. #10
    Adelaide Kasperian-Kazaar
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    Krasst, this wasn't going the way she'd hoped, the two of them standing there yelling at each other. But she couldn't stop herself, couldn't bite back the cutting remarks borne out of her own hurt.

    "I know you're a cold, hard man, thats what I know!" Adelaide yelled back.

    "You have all your priorities messed the hell up - you solve everything with a fight, whether its with your slug crime bosses or someone like me" (she stopped just short of throwing Ashley in is face) "You take the same approach with everything - Hurt 'em first before they hurt you. Thats, what I know."

    She drew a ragged breath and swept her eyes about her looking at everything and at nothing - her distress obvious. She would loose him forever doing this, saying these things. She could feel him slipping from her, just as surely as Bren had.

    She pulled her coat tighter around her, and tried to say what she really wanted him to hear, instead of reacting to his bitter words.

    "I--" she broke off to manage her words, "I need you, Aurelias. Cant you help me, just a little bit?" Her voice echoed the heartbreak inside her, her plea was raw and undisguised. "Can you just forget, for a little while, what Ive done to you and just help me through this. Couldn't you try?"

  11. #11
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    Kazaar's retort died in his throat. Adelaide's words had shocked him, th'fact she mentioned anything like this was a pretty big omission. Kinda like Gorgja admittin' he wanted Kazaar t'have more of a cut of his bounties. Or Gracey Van-Derveld ever admittin' Kazaar was right (or, f'that matter, vice versa). He threw his head down t'the left, as he stared off in space for a bit, trying t'curb his anger.

    After a moment, Kazaar raised his eyes into th'face of his former (and current) wife. "C'mon, let's go t'Ma's. Grab a cuppa caf. And talk."

    **********************************
    Mandy-Town: Ma's Diner

    The trip from th'cemetery to Ma's Diner was silent, with both Kazaars tryin' t'figure out what to say to the other. Del's outburst had quieted her, while her husband kept starin' out th'window. Almost like he didn't really know what else t'say. The words they'd spoken earlier had hurt 'em both pretty bad, so trying t'be nice was hard.

    Ma's Diner hadn't changed much over th'last seven years, since Kazaar left Brentaal f'good and joined th'Rebellion. There was still Ma, her dark face smilin' at customers, even if her green eyes kept a solid watch f'any shady character (Kazaar excluded). The cook, Flysst, was prolly th'only Tranny Kazaar ever trusted, and that was 'cause he'd been on th'dusty planet since his parents arrived. Plus, Kazaar admitted with an inward smirk, he did make a helluva batch o'flatcakes with fruit.

    Adelaide and Kazaar sat at a corner booth, each takin' the seat across from th'other. Kazaar's black eyes scanned th'small crowd and he ran a hand through his soakin' hair. Finally he spoke, his guttural voice quieter than normal. "Ya gonna be all right?"

  12. #12
    Adelaide Kasperian-Kazaar
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    Adelaide had been so relieved that Kazaar had relented and softened his manner towards her. What would she have done if he'd just left her standing there at the cemetary? The thought of it was unbearable. She couldn't be alone, not yet.

    Her eyes had not left his since sitting across from him. So many memories lay behind those dark eyes, where the ones he'd kept of her only bad ones?

    Adelaide remembered clearly a time when those eyes has always smiled at her. Aurelias had drawn strength and comfort from her after Ashley's death. He'd needed Adelaide, and she had seen him through. They'd been so close. And happy. Adelaide missed that connection with Kazaar. Had missed it every day since she'd left him. Did he remember anything of that time other than the horrible way it ended?

    "Ya gonna be all right?"

    His concern was genuine and it allowed her to answer unguardedly.

    "Probably" she said, tears threatening to swell again. They were always there, right on the surface, and they never seemed to exaust themselves. "But right now, I dont feel like that's ever going to be possible." Her voice was small, "I miss him, Aurelias. I miss tripping on his shoes left in the hallway, miss hearing him splashing in the bathtub. I miss having to rush home to be with him. I dont know how Im ever going to feel normal again.

    I"m so sorry for everything Ive messed up"

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    "I dunno if ya ever get over it." Kazaar answered, takin' a sip of his caf. He had a lotta pain stored in his psyche: pain of losing Ash, losin' his parents, and Del's 'divorce' or whatever the hell it was she did. Never meetin' his son, never gettin' t'kill the Albino only made th'pain even worse. "What I do know, is ya get used t'it. You learn t'deal with it.

    "It'll lessen as th'days go on. But ya never get over it." Another sip. He'd told Estelle th'exact same thing, one time they'd talked 'bout her relationship with James Bretton. The Kid was dealin' with it pretty well, but he still saw th'anger laced in her eyes. He knew it still hurt at times, but she let it drive her t'be better. "Can't let it consume ya. Then ya end up like me." A pained smile. "Don't think it's real becomin' of ya Del."

    Adelaide gave her own pained smile, but was still waiting for Kazaar's acceptance or rejection of her apology. She didn't know what he'd do and Kazaar had no idea what t'do either. She was bein' honest, he was pretty sure 'bout that, but what was he gonna do? He'd hated her f'seven years. How th'frack do ya get over that?

    "You're sorry and I'm sorry." He finally stated after more than a few minutes of thinking. "We're all sorry."

  14. #14
    Adelaide Kasperian-Kazaar
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    The server made an appearance at that moment, tactfully sliding two cups of black, aromatic caf to each of them, sensitive to the fact they were in a close discussion of some type and doing his best to do his job without intruding. He also slipped a menu - the paper kind that somehow always withstands the test of time, usage and beverage spills - onto the edge of the table for their perusal. Neither of them touched it for the moment.

    The server withdrew and Adelaide replied, his presence giving her time to absorb Kazaar's advice.

    "I dont really expect to ever get over this, its true, but there are some things a person can do to help, aren't there" It was a statement, and she had an odd coldness in her eye as she'd said it. She'd make that bloody Albino sorry if it was the last thing in this life she ever accomplished.

    "I wish I were more like you" she said, interupting Kazaar's thoughts as he tried to puzzle out just exactly what she'd meant by the previous remark. "You always seem made of durosteel to me. Nothing can break you down. The knocks come, but you only get stronger"

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    "They do say what doesn't kill ya makes ya stronger." Kazaar smirked. "But there's a difference. We each deal with pain our own way, Delly." It was odd hearin' th'term of affection come from his lips. Almost as if they'd taken a step. "And what's good f'one person, ain't always good for th'other."

    There was silence as the two sipped their cups of caf. "Why'd ya ask me t'come here?"

  16. #16
    Adelaide Kasperian-Kazaar
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    The affectionate turn of her name warmed Adelaide on the inside, a feeling much like a flame held to a frozen surface - the effect was visible and immediate. She smiled at him softly, "Long time since I've heard that one"

    Her mind turned, she had asked him to come for different reasons - both for his benefit and her own.

    "I felt you would need to say some goodbyes. You never knew Bren, but I know you feel a connection. I am truly sorry you never got to see him, Aurelias. I needed you to know that Im very aware of the wrong I did the both of you" She was afraid to admit it, afraid of making him angry with her again, but she'd owed him that small consolation.

    Lifting her eyes to his, Adelaide continued, and as she spoke, Kazaar couldn't help but see the woman he had known all those years ago sitting across from him. There was no guile, no hardness to her. Hers was the face of before the Loran betrayal, before the walkout and that whole bollocks-up. "I asked you to come here because I want you back. I want you to come back, Aurelias"

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    He'd spent seven years o'his life hatin' this woman. Seven years rememberin' what she'd done t'him. Leaving him and disappearin'. Kazaar took another sip o'his caf and thought forra long, hard while.

    "It was seven years, Del." He finally spoke. "That's a long frackin' time." He sighed and looked off to th'side a bit. "Gonna hafta think 'bout it. It ain't a 'no' but it ain't a 'yes'."

  18. #18
    Adelaide Kasperian-Kazaar
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    A definite maybe. It was about what Adelaide had expected, but much less than she'd hoped for. She'd been through so much and was tired of the struggle. She wanted to take refuge in Kazaar, allow him to absorb the weight of her grief and ease the guilt of her choices. It was selfish of her, she knew, but she didn't care. Aurelias was what she wanted. And needed. But, if she was honest, it was a complete miracle he was here at all, seated across from her and speaking to her with kindness, let alone him entertaining any possibility of a marital reconciliation, no matter how remote.

    "I cant ask you for more than that" she replied with a certain resignation. She wanted to cajole him, convince him, wanted to say the one magic thing that would turn him to her and make him willing to try again. But, there are no magic words, she knew.

    However, she would not give up completely, "Will you stay for a few days? Two or three - just to be close. I cant be on my own, Aurelias. I just cant" She added gently, "You might even find it helps you to be here, too"

  19. #19
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    There was a part o'him that wanted t'take her in his arms and hold her still she felt 'safe'. A large part. All those emotions he thought were destroyed 'n buried were back. Kazaar saw 'er pain and felt pretty bad 'bout it.

    "Can't stay f'too long, I gotta get back to 'the Kid'." He answered honestly. 'The Black Man' had something planned for 'em, plus Kazaar got a feelin' Estelle wanted t'talk 'bout Adelaide. "But I'll stay an extra day're so. Where're ya living?"

  20. #20
    Adelaide Kasperian-Kazaar
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    This question prompted a smile, "Hackanut Bay" she replied.

    Adelaide loved where she lived, a quaint little clapboard house nestled in a sheltered curve of the picturesque Hackanut Sound. The ocean was a soothing constant to a life that Bren's illness had made difficult and unpredictable. Often of an evening, just after supper, she and Bren would bundle up together beneath one of her lovely crocheted blankets (a skill ironically taught her by Mirko Spendrim) and sit in the verandah swing. The wind would have picked up by that time of the evening and would be cool, but the bracing coldness was worth the inspiring kaleidascope of colors that streaked the sky as the sun sank below the ocean horizon.

    Bren would ask her where the sun would go, and she would always answer with a different place - one time explaining how it was rising over Carshoulis Prime, waking up all the Cizerack children who ate three bowls of cereal alone just for breakfast; or another time was rising over Naboo where its brilliant rays penetrated the waters of the Gungan palace signaling the Royal Guardians to sound their curved trumpets and announce the start of another day.

    "My parents found the house for us, bought it outright from a retired fisherman" she explained. "We had a little boat that Bren and I would go out in sometimes on calm days." She added with a self-conscious grin, "I'm not a bad sailor" she got close even to a small laugh, "I got the sea-legs, you know"
    Last edited by Adelaide Kasperian-Kazaar; Mar 24th, 2008 at 02:50:07 PM.

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