So, I'm aghast that we haven't had a college football thread so far and we're three weeks into the season.

Major points:
  • Da U has committed enough NCAA sanctions in the past decade to make even Da U from the 80's and 90's blush. Possible punishment from the NCAA ranges from absolutely nothing to every first born son in Miami-Dade county being beheaded. Also I'm sure there will be another six totally badass documentaries made about it with new soundtracks by Uncle Luke. Can't wait.
  • Ohio State also did bad stuff but nobody cares because we hate Ohio State and all of their fans are pedophiles.
  • Auburn stole a championship like Cam Newton stole a laptop. That's fine I guess because they look like poop this year and lost to Clemson lmao.
  • Boise State is still a garbage team, and scheduling one good team per year proves nothing.
  • Texas A&M is seceding from the Big XII, potentially triggering world war 3 in conference realignment. This is good because everybody hates Texas but it's bad because A&M is a doo doo team full of nut grabbing fake army cultists and I really do not want them in the SEC but I guess it's gonna happen anyway, providing Ken Starr fails at his whole "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" schtick.
  • In the dead of night last night, the ACC calmly assassinated the Big East and stole Pitt and Syracuse, which is likely to only accelerate other conferences raiding the weak and picking their bones. Hopefully the SEC gets West Virginia out of this.
  • Notre Dame still bad. Remember Catholics, faith alone is not enough for football relevance. You need faith and good works, like being able to recruit actual talent. Joining the Big 10 (12?) would help, but it's easier at this rate to turn water into wine.
  • Oregon is being investigated by the NCAA. This is likely due to the NCAA seeing Oregon driving at 15 mph in a 60 mph zone, asking them to roll down their window, and instantly catching a contact.
  • Minnesota's coach Jerry Kill was so shocked that his bad team lost to perennially bad team parriah New Mexico State, that he had a seizure on the field. Gopher fans still unaware that they are cursed by a vengeful football God.


Lets talk about football. Trolling makes things better. I hate your team, and I hate you. Discuss.