The past is never where you left it (Cline)

[Zereth Lancer]

Setting his drink down, Zereth let his eyes follow it to the tabletop where they remained for some time. The question was mulled over in his mind, and his own life experience was relived looking for the answer. He knew what he thought in his heart, but he also knew what existed in his soul. He knew those moments of absolute darkness, when all the light seemed to blur and fade, and all that he is was stripped away and he knew only fury. Many traumatic events, many lost comrades, and his response was always to fall back into that black pit. Once it was a weapon to be unleashed when his master commanded, and then it became a hidden blade to fall back on when he justified that the situation required it. When he felt that they deserved it.

"No." Was his answer in the end, and then another long pause as he scratched at the tabletop with a fingernail. "I don't believe anyone can rise above the darkside on their own. I could not. I thought I could. I always told myself that I would not end up like the others, that I could stop whenever I wanted. Michael, I am living the best, truest life I've ever known. I've risen above so much. Conquered my many demons. The darkside is still as much a part of me as it was all those years ago when I abducted your friends. I know moments of rage and unspeakable violence. The memories of which haunt me. The only difference now is that I also have the lightside, and I like to think it balances my soul. The darkside powers my heart but the light gives it direction; tempers it's hot edge. I do not think I could live without it, the darkside.

I did not get here on my own. I've had so much help. Friends and allies who helped me, shaped me. Many of them are gone now. I keep the lessons they taught me here." His hand slipped off the tabletop and connected with his breast, pressing the palm against his heart. "Once gone but never forgotten. In my darkest moments, when I am alone and vulnerable, the whispers of the darkside are ever present. Dark promises of power and stature and the cost is always blood. That is what the darkside is. It is incredible, lonely power that binds as much as it strengthens. Without perspective you cannot see the black waters have risen to your throat, and without help you will never pull yourself from the pool. You find purchase in moments of clarity, but the edge is slick and you inevitably slip back in. You need an anchor to pull on. A purpose, a mission; friends. Allies."