National Lampoon's Hyperspace Vacation

[Q. Samus Dage]

Continued from here

* * *

What had once been magical, was now a long-running exercise in putting out a single, solitary, angry fire.

In the tunnel of hyperspace, the silence of an evil glare was loud and clear for the recipient, and Samus Dage was currently wondering if his ears would survive the cacophony.

Gradoona was taking a longer-than-normal trip to the fresher, and T'yeellaa had chosen this time to join him in the cockpit, dropping her languid frame into the co-pilot's seat with calculated ease. It was that sort of ease that made him nervous, and for a few minutes he focused on the swirling kaleidoscope of starlines in the front viewscreen.

There was no ignoring her though, and eventually he tore his eyes away to give her an innocent smile.

"Nothing quite like the hyperlane, you know?"

[T'yeellaa Meorrrei]

"jI'm sstjill not talkjing to jyou."

T'yeellaa masked herself in a frown, which was difficult to do in the face of a flowing display of hyperlight. And maybe that's what was so aggravating about all of this. This was almost soo perfect. So close to perfect! Until it wasn't.

She pulled a small bottle of medicine from her pocket. Painkillers she'd found in the 'fresher. At least it was stocked for every contingency. She shook two out into her palm before popping them in her mouth. She gave a heavy dry swallow, finally cutting her eyes to her gai'tou, who was more beauty than brains by far.

"Grradoona Pod-Floewanderr. What werre jyou thjinking?!"

[Q. Samus Dage]

For a moment he didn't say anything, simply watching her essentially choke down pills. It looked painful.

"She needed a ride?"

Silence reigned after that, and trying to bridge the divide, he gave her a concerned look.

"That's the third time you've pulled from that bottle, Kitten. You should be careful you don't take so much that you damage your insides."

[T'yeellaa Meorrrei]

"Sso tell herr to take a trranssporrt!" Her voice raised, but T'y kept a lid on it enough to keep it from traveling to the back of the ship. Still, her eyes were blue fire. She gave an indignant huff, forefully stuffing the medicine bottle into her pocket.

"Thjiss wass ssuppossed to be forr uss, about uss! We werre gojing to fjind a beautjiful planet jin the mjiddle of nowherre wjith no one arround forr ljight jyearrss, and sshe'ss thrrown a bjig ssmelljy blanket overr everrjythjing."

[Q. Samus Dage]

He bore the brunt of her rage in silence, knowing that it was best to stay quiet for the time being. It would not last long, however, as he also knew that her wordless demand for an answer to this apparent travesty was unavoidable. Samus leaned back slightly in his seat.

"She wanted to go to the Grassley Dunes Mudfish Festival back home, and I couldn't tell her no, especially since we're going to Myomar also."

[Gradoona Pod-Floewander]

Before T'yeellaa could retort, the refresher door hissed open.

"Wooo-oo, thaat feels better, boy howdy!"

The Herglic rubbed down the parts of her arms and legs left exposed beyond her t-shirt and shorts. Normally supply and shiny, Gradoona's skin was especially glistening now.

"Gaat a new mooisturizer baalm shipped in fraam back hoome aan Giju. It's suppoosed too keep foor twelve houurs, aaand doonchaknoo, its alsoo SPF 15. Even smells good too, see!"

Without invitation, Gradoona thrust a hand towards each of her traveling companions.

[Q. Samus Dage]

The meaty, over-sized fist shoved close was enough to cause him to lean to the side in slight surprise, not exactly expecting the sudden closeness.

"I, um," he gave a test sniff.

"It smells good, yeah. Don't you think so too,T'yeellaa?"

[T'yeellaa Meorrrei]

She didn't even look at the over-sized Herglic hand in front of her. Instead, T'yeellaa kept a stony expression fixed on Samus. Her ears pivoted parallel to the deck.

"jIt'ss fjine."

[Gradoona Pod-Floewander]

"Youu can say thaat again!"

Oblivious to the signs, Gradoona carried on, tracing a line down her forearm with one stubby digit.

"I dunnoo abouut Humans aand Cizeri, but Herglics caan't cut coorners with moisturizers. Well, naat if youu caan't take three baths a day, yaknoo."

She gave Dage a friendly shoulder punch.

"Heyy, want me to spell ya foor a bit at the helm? I'm good to go. Just jettisoned the paylooad yaknoo, and I oonly need two houurs aaf sleep."

[Q. Samus Dage]

Taking the punch in stride, Samus eagerly accepted her offer, and with a swift nod, moved to extricate himself from his seat.

"That sounds wonderful," he managed to get out, "... should give me time to get a bath of my own."

A terrible thought then, and he slowly sent a concerned gaze to Gradoona in wordless question as to the state she'd left the fresher in.

[Gradoona Pod-Floewander]

Gradoona's blowhole whistled a moment before click-clacky laughter. She took his seat, reclining deeply as she waved away his worries.

"Ah geez Commaander it's fiiiine! I'm a lady, yaknoo! Now, youu be a gent and keep the lid up! I knoow the blonde hair and aall, but youu're naat Luuke Skyywaalker shootin down exaaust poorts."

Laughing at her own joke, Gradoona reached over to one of the bench seats, retrieving a box.

"Hey K'oohta'rrou, ya waant some Spunky Dunkers?"

[T'yeellaa Meorrrei]

The box opened in front of her, and T'yeellaa was assailed by saccharine smells of sugar, mocoa, namana jam, and oil. She could feel her stomach turn on itself as a cold bead of sweat formed on her forehead.

"jI...jI alrreadjy ate" she lied, turning away sharply to look back at the swirl of hyperlight. Even here she found no solace, the light seeming brighter than usual. Her headache and now her nausea weren't abating any time soon.

[Q. Samus Dage]

In the face of an assault by donut, T'yeellaa looked especially pale, and for a moment he grew concerned. Surely she wasn't coming down with a case of space-sickness like s'Il?

Samus did reach forward though, to poach a chocolate-iced, kolinut-dusted ring of sugary tastiness. He'd not yet had the chance to try Spunky Dunkers, but both Varin and Rahgus swore up one bulkhead and down the other that there was no donut shop anywhere that came close.

A single bite later, and he had to admit that his crewmates were right.

"S'good!"

[Gradoona Pod-Floewander]

Gradoona popped an entire Ronto Claw down the hatch.

"I knooow, riiiight?"

The whole pastry could still be seen surfing on her tongue before she finally closed her mouth.

"I found ouut abouut them aan Kitoo, 'cause the originaal waas a Kitoonak place. I aalmoost fell ouut when I saaw they were aan Joovan!"

She flipped a buiberry jam donut down the hatch.

"Kiinda wish I'd gaat moore than three dozen foor the trip."

[T'yeellaa Meorrrei]

On top of everything assailing her, everyone was talking way too loud! T'yeellaa winced every time Gradoona went up a decibel or an octave, and she was kneading the arm rests of her chair. Eventually she got out of her seat, heading for the ladder at the aft of the ship.

"jI have to check on ssomethjing." She didn't have the imagination for a creative lie, so a vague one would have to do. But if she didn't get away for a few minutes she was going to kill one of them.

[Q. Samus Dage]

With half a donut still in hand, Samus was quick to follow after her. Once they'd left the cockpit, he was on her heels with a look of concern etched on his features. She was acting strange; oh, she was upset, he knew that much, but there was something else. The amount of painkillers that she'd gone through was worrisome.

"Are you ok?"

His voice hissed out as his free hand came down softly on her shoulder.

[T'yeellaa Meorrrei]

Even the way his hand came down on her shoulder drew irritation. T'yeellaa stiffened a little, drawing in a breath as she half-leaned against the ladder.

"jI jusst have a headache. Everrjythjing'ss ssettjing jit off rrjight now."

Everything. Everything. Her brows knit suddenly as she drew close, taking a cautionary sniff.

"Gai'tou, have jyou taken a sshowerr?"

[Q. Samus Dage]

It was an odd question, and Samus gave her an equally odd look before slowly pushing the rest of his donut into his mouth. He chewed, relished the sugary sweet taste, then swallowed.

"Last night I did," he finally answered cautiously, "... I even used that frilly fancy body wash you bought for me from whatever that store back in the Cluster is called."

[T'yeellaa Meorrrei]

"Romaaiyarro'ss." She replied a bit absently, lost in her head over all of this. She could still smell that too, but there was a lot more of him in the air, like they'd spent a long night upstairs. That might have been interesting to her before, but now it was all too much. Not to mention the smell of that damned donut.


"Majybe jI had too much tea..." T'yeellaa massaged her temples gingerly, trying to backtrack the day. Sure, she'd had a cup of kri'achee early, but that couldn't be it. And it shouldn't be causing her to feel this way now.

"Majybe jI'm jusst jin a bad mood. jI'm ssorrrjy gai'tou, jI know jyou mean well and all..."

[Q. Samus Dage]

She looked as lost and confused as ever, and in that moment he wanted to make her feel better. He wanted to make her feel comfortable and happy and no longer lost. With an understanding look, the rangy blonde bent down to deposit a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"How about a bath? We've got just enough in the tanks to be able to get a good long soak in," his hand traveled down, fingertips trailing along the skin of her arm before finding her own hand and grasping it tightly.

"We can even use that bubble concoction you like."