I Can't Hide From My Mind

[Alex Kaine]

As Heidegger took Andrea's hand in his own, Alex unconsciously squeezed Lana's. He should have just walked out the door. But Heidegger's self-righteous soliloquy screamed out for an answer.

"Dr. Heidegger, can I ask you something?" he said. "Of all the solutions you've tried since Andrea came in here over a year ago... has any of them ever actually helped her?"

[Doktor Klaus Heidegger]

"One we have tried, one we know will work but have not done."

Klaus motioned to the chairs in the corner, indicating Alex and Lana should sit.

"Alex, the reason I have not released your sister is that these two treatments will not do much to really improve her quality of life. I will not perform them without your written consent. I am not sure you will even approve to begin with."

[Alex Kaine]

This was news to Alex, and his defiant belligerence all but evaporated. He hated Jericho, hated Heidegger and his supercilious insistence on treating mutation like some sort of disease, but if there was a chance he could somehow help Andrea in spite of himself...

Alex caught Lana's eyes, and that was enough to tell her he had to hear Heidegger out. And if the doctor just wanted to use Andrea as a guinea pig for his own self-gratification, Alex wanted to be damn sure he was stopped.

Alex took his seat, still hand-in-hand with Lana. "Okay," he said. "What kind of treatment?"

[Doktor Klaus Heidegger]

"The first option is the most straight forward. I can issue her a suppression collar that she will wear at all times in order to keep her powers from overwhelming her. They are uncomfortable, and will not allow her to lower her chin while she wears it. Extended time wearing it can cause bruising and other elements of discomfort. She will still need to come to the clinic from time to time to have the collar maintained, during which time her powers will most likely overwhelm her. The collar might give her a chance to control her power, but we have not yet been able to make a collar that does not totally suppress mutant gifts."

Klaus looked at Andrea and then back to her brother. "The other treatment is more old-fashioned. We can lobotomize her. We have isolated the area of her brain where her powers function. We can remove the brain tissue related to her powers with surgery. However, she will lose quite a bit of brain function in the process. We aren't sure her quality of life would improve much from where it is now, outside of the total lack of psychic episodes."

Klaus looked at Alex very seriously. "I am sorry to put forth these options to you. I understand if you are angry that I did not share this information with you at first. Just know that I consider it a slipshod effort on my part if this facility uses less than optimal cures for its patients."

[Alex Kaine]

Alex bowed his head, his face shrouded by his mop of black hair. He felt a sinking sensation in his chest not unlike when he'd first been told that Andrea was comatose, that she would be bed-ridden for the foreseeable future until Jericho found a solution to her problem. And these were the solutions.

He felt Lana close her other hand over his, a welcoming presence of support. Alex took a deep breath and found the strength to meet Heidegger's eyes.

"Lobotomy's out," he said. "I won't do it. She lived with her gifts before. She'll find a way to do it again."

He took another breath and looked over at Andrea, now sleeping peacefully amid the banks of machinery.

"Did you say you've tried the suppression collar before?"

[Doktor Klaus Heidegger]

"No, we have not tried it on her. We have used it on other psychic mutants with their permission. They say it's like someone suddenly putting a pair of earmuffs on them. It gets quiet very fast. For some it's a relief. For others, it's like not being able to sleep when you're used to hearing the train a few yards from your window at night."

Klaus indicated Andrea with a gesture. "That's for people with healthy minds. Healthy psyches. Andrea seems to be perturbed by her power. I'm afraid that the sudden psychic silence might fragment her more. It is a risk we will take if you deem it worthwhile, but even if the collar helps, we will have to keep her here for a month or two to undergo therapy and a few other tests to make sure she can distinguish reality any better without her power's interference."

Klaus rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "I know how you feel about this clinic, Alex. And how you must feel about the collars. No mutant I know likes the idea of them--not even the MCU, who must use them to arrest mutant criminals. I impress upon you the necessity and hidden advantages of them now. Just know that it is not at all a permanent fix, and the collar will leave a mark on your sister if she wears it consistently."

[Svetlana Ustinov]

A mark in more ways than one, Lana mused silently, fingers clasped tightly around Alex's hand. It was all she could do - all she could offer without revealing her abilities in front of the doctor.

The seemingly caring and good doctor...somehow, that just didn't fit. While it wasn't a gift of her mutation by any means, her instincts were sound, and this just didn't sit right with Lana. She wished, not for the first time, that her mother was nearby...she would know what questions to ask to prove her instincts correct. It was even possible that Yelena's abilities could help Andrea to a greater degree than Lana's own simple, calming influence.

Sighing softly, she lifted Alex's hand between her own and kissed the back of it. "This bears some serious thought, Aleksanderr...such a decision cannot be made lightly. You need to ask yourself if Andrea would wish to wear the collar at all. Perhaps further discussion with the good doctor can be had next week when we visit again?" Lana said, her voice quiet but more thickly accented than usual.

[Alex Kaine]

Sometimes when you were facing a decision between two options that both seemed wrong, your mind looped in on itself in a tortured cycle of contingencies and unanswerable questions, and you could hardly hear anything over the roar of your own thoughts feeding back like an overloaded circuit. Most of what Lana had said was in there, somewhere. But hearing it made it easier to sift the thoughts from the noise.

The fact was, if wearing a collar could return Andrea to some level of clarity, Alex would consider that worth it. Maybe that anchor in reality would help her to weather her psychic episodes and eventually free her from her dependence on Jericho entirely. Or maybe it would create a whole new kind of dependence. Alex wished he could ask her, but there was no telling whether she could understand the question, or if she was even capable of giving an answer. Was her gift the source of her torment, or was it the only outlet she had left?

Alex met Lana's eyes gratefully, and then he shifted his attention back to the doctor. "I have to think this over," he said. "Andrea... sometimes Andrea did try to shut the visions out. But I know she also thought they were a part of her. She said she'd be sorry if they ever left her completely."

Alex turned his hand over and rubbed his thumb in circles over Lana's hand. "I'm definitely going to have to think about it."

[Doktor Klaus Heidegger]

"That is a good thing. Decisions made in haste are often decisions we regret."

Klaus stood and crossed to the door, holding it open for Alex and Lana.

"In the meantime, know that we are trying our best to find your sister a true solution to her problem."

It was somewhat true. If Andrea could reach out and make her powers something that happened at-will, it would benefit Klaus much more than what he was working with at the moment.

The talk paid off. Klaus could continue to experiment while Alex tortured himself over the decision. Even after the collar, Klaus could hold her for a while longer to see how much Andrea knew about what he was doing to her.

If she did not know, no harm done. If she did know, then she would have to go Below.

Until then, he could afford once again to take his time. And come up with a story about what happened to Andrea in the event she suddenly disappeared. But with The Brotherhood, Vanguard, and a numerous other groups of people set against Jericho, it would be simple enough to blame her disappearance on an abduction: the Jozua Clinic was a hospital, not a high-security facility.

"We will see you next week. Do not feel like you have to make that your deadline. You must be as confident in your decision as you would be in anything else. Good luck to you."