What I've Done

[Lilaena De'Ville]

In this farewell,
There’s no blood,
There’s no alibi.
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret,
From the truth,
Of a thousand lies.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.

Put to rest,
What you thought of me.
While I clean this slate,
With the hands,
Of uncertainty.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.

For what I’ve done

I'll start again,
And whatever pain may come.
Today this ends,
I’m forgiving what I’ve done.

I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
In this farewell,
There’s no blood,
There’s no alibi.
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret,
From the truth,
Of a thousand lies.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.

Put to rest,
What you thought of me.
While I clean this slate,
With the hands,
Of uncertainty.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.

For what I’ve done

I'll start again,
And whatever pain may come.
Today this ends,
I’m forgiving what I’ve done.

I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.
What I’ve done.

Forgiving what I’ve done.

Linkin Park
What I've Done

And let go of what I’ve done.
What I’ve done.

Forgiving what I’ve done.

Linkin Park
What I've Done

The dark haired woman grunted as she spun around the warehouse, slender pole in hand. Flowing from defensive to offensive stance and back again, she slashed and parried, battling imaginary opponents as she worked up a sweat.

The nightmares had come again, and so she fled from her bedroom to the warehouse in the industrial district of Iziz City. Exercise was the only way to dispell the uneasy feeling that they gave her. And ever since her ordeal on Coruscant at the hands of Y'roth Helgast, the nightmares came nearly every night.

Lilaena slapped the practice pole against a stack of heavy crates, hard enough to crack the slender wood. Frustrated and angry, she flung the tool away from her and her lightsaber found her palm. Ingiting the purple blade, she attacked the crates, the saber biting deeply into the duraplast containers.

The 'plast bubbled and melted where the lightsaber tarried too long, but the contents of the crates must have been sensitive to heat because one of the middle ones exploded. Lilaena threw up her arm, forming a shield of air with the Force to protect her from the flames and debris, though the heat of the blaze pinked her skin.

For a moment the air she held before her seemed to burn as the flames licked around it, then the conflagration subsided, confined in the remnants of the fireproof duraplast crates.

Lilaena dropped her arm and stood there with her lightsaber extended at her side, staring into the flames. Her eyes glittered with emotion, but then she became aware that she was not alone.

[Darth Callidus]

“An interesting trick,” a voice said, as a figure slowly emerged out of the shadows that clung close to the walls of the warehouse. He seemed to materialize from nothing, as if he had only then been breathed into existence.

“Perhaps you should be a little more... careful in the future.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"Perhaps you should not spy on me," she spat, turning around to face Callidus. "In the future."

Face smudged with soot, Lilaena cast a hand behind her and the flames extinguished, leaving behind only dark smoke. "Have you already put your apprentices to bed, and come in search of other sport?" She spun the lightsaber in her right hand, cutting through the smoke that was beginning to swirl around her feet.

[Darth Callidus]

Behind his mask, Callidus smirked. He allowed a moment of silence to pass, a punctual pause.

“I have no desire to fight you,” he said, at last. “Unless that would please you...”

His head canted to the side somewhat, as he considered the woman stood before him.

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"And since when has what pleased me been a concern of yours?" Lilaena raised an eyebrow. "I rather thought Anxia might be high on that list." Her lips twisted with mirthless humor at the thought of the petulant ward of the Queen.

Swishing her saber back and forth, Lilaena flicked the tip through the smoke idly. "I would not be a good sparring partner tonight, my mind is troubled."

[Darth Callidus]

Calmly, Callidus folded his arms behind his back. His expressionless white face followed the movements of her saber with a deliberate slowness. It was clear that she was vexed and he had no intention of dignifying her heated words with a response.

“... and what is it that troubles you?”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

Lilaena stabbed the tip of her lightsaber into the floor, the duracrete hissing
angrily as the white hot blade penetrated it. "Must you wear that mask, Callidus? Are you so afraid to show your face to the galaxy?"

She paused, pulling her saber from the ground and switching it off. "Perhaps I should follow your fashion statement. Travel has become difficult these days."

[Darth Callidus]

With a casual air, Callidus brought one hand to his mask. It, unlike his face, was not covered and so his clawed fingertips could be seen in the dim light. “This is a necessity, as much as that precious weapon is to you.” This said, his hand fell once more. They both had their trinkets of protection, tools that safeguarded them. Salem simply required something with a little more finesse.

“You must feel... like a caged animal, unable to go where you please. It is no surprise that your anger has become so potent.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She stood still, her hands at her sides. "I suppose so." Her words were weak and small to her ears, and Callidus' imposing presence made them seem even more so. For a moment she wilted before the impassive mask and its white, opaque eyes.

But she had seen the man behind the mask, knew who it was who stood before her. Salem Ave was a man of power, political power, and power in the Force. She had felt it in him, knew him to be more learned than she was, despite the diligent efforts of Master A'na Eldhil.

Hells, she had danced with the puppet master of Onderon, and they had both worn masks then. How was it she had allowed him to strip her of hers while he still enjoyed the comfort of hiding behind his? I am not afraid - I do not hide.

A lie. She was afraid, terrified at times. Y'roth Helghast had laid bare her soul in a few short hours, and if she had not escaped... But she had escaped.

What was she doing on Onderon still? She had gotten what she came for, in a round about way, and the Mandalorians meant little to her. "My anger is a tool. It does not control me or my actions."

[Darth Callidus]

“Does it comfort you to think that?” The white mask tilted slowly to one side. “You forget how easily I understand you, Lilaena. You are a creature at the mercy of your own emotions. Everything you do is driven by them, regardless whether or not you care to admit it.”

Slowly, Salem began to smile. “Though... that need not be the case.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"An you would deign to teach me control, is that it?" Her face, unguarded and open watched his masked countenance closely, any smiles or facial tics hidden beneath it. "No, I do not think you have much to teach me about control.

"And all beings who possess emotions are in someway affected by them, though they may lie to themselves... mask their true intentions by some charade or another." Her face twisted slightly as she gave words to her disgust, "Some play games with power, simply to acquire more. Your aptitude and control of the Force may outweigh my own, but you merely further your own ends.

"My anger is fuel; I cultivate it to feed my acts of compassion." As any Jedi would.

[Darth Callidus]

“Compassion?” Callidus spat. There was no effort to hide his disdain.

“To whom? The Mandalorians, whose proud culture you seek to reduce to little more than an instrument of destruction for your own ends? You may clothe your anger in righteousness, but you fool only yourself. You are as self-serving as I am.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She bristled openly at his last comment, hands clenching at her sides. "I have never done anything for myself. I have no wealth, no companions, and while now I may oversee the Mandalorian people who have stagnated on your planet, I will take nothing from this for myself."

Lilaena opened one hand and shut it again, knuckles whitening as she began to tremble with barely contained emotion. "I serve the memory of the Jedi, the last warriors of the Force who were cut down by Palpatine and his dog, Vader. I serve according to the orders of my Jedi master, An'a Eldhil. I seek retribution for the evils done to them, and I do not spare myself any pain to see that my master's prophecy is fullfilled."

[Darth Callidus]

The emotion that bubbled beneath Lilaena's skin, threatening to overwhelm her, made Callidus grin with dark delight behind his mask.

“You seek vengeance, and you could have it if you only embraced what you truly are, what you could become... with my help!”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

I need no help, she thought, but she remembered Coruscant and the Inquisitorate. Something that Callidus knew nothing about, but she bore the marks of the event on her body. She had come too close to being completely helpless in the hands of Y'roth Helghast.

Master A'na Eldhil's face flashed in her memory, her dying grimace as the metal monster killed her. Lilaena flinched, her eyes stubbornly rooted on Callidus' mask. "What am I then?"

[Darth Callidus]

Many things came to mind, then, that Callidus did not voice. There was so much raw potential to the woman stood before him, potential that had been squandered thus far in the name of false justice and nobility.

“Lost... without guidance.”

As he spoke, he began to walk slowly forwards, towards her. The featureless mask of Callidus began to fade and diffuse like smoke, revealing the face of Salem Ave.

“Join me, Lilaena. Take your place as my apprentice and I will teach you, shape you into something far greater...”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

She took a step backwards as he approached, the mask dissolving and revealing Salem Ave's boiled egg eyes. "I will not be placed beside the two fools you currently own, Callidus, as another mindless tool."

Lilaena squeezed the lightsaber hilt in her hand as she continued. "What is in it for you? You never struck me as the type who would give without thought of receiving in return." Her eyes glittered, "There's always an angle with people like us."

[Darth Callidus]

“Is there?” Salem's lips pursed into a tight smile, as he stifled a chuckle. “Anxia and Creas have wills and goals of their own. There is a synergy to our alliances, a symbiosis... we all have something unique to offer one another, and you are no exception.”

[Lilaena De'Ville]

"Then what is it you want from me, Callidus?" Lilaena chose not to comment futher on his two apprentice learners, who she did not respect, no matter what their political positions on this backwater planet might be. She was certain that they had nothing to offer her, and she would certainly not be put into a position where she was in their debt.

No, Salem Ave was the only person who interested her, and she felt her heartbeat quicken as old memories of her early training with A'na Eldhil came to mind. To allow someone else to lead, even partially... She fought the unfounded flood of relief that tingled in her chest cavity, and waited for the Prime Minister of Onderon to answer her.

[Darth Callidus]

Many things... Words that did not form on the Prime Minister's lips, yet nonetheless seemed to resonate from within him.

“Your commitment... and your knowledge. Share with me what you already know, and I will act in kind.”