Are New Beginnings Supposed to Be This Hard?

[Enedra Myrrhe]

Fingers tightened and muscles tensed at Taataani's accusation, the four simple words burning like so much salt poured across an open wound.

There was a flash at the edges of her vision, the way it always was when her reflexes kicked in and her adrenaline gathered for the rush. There was a reflex to protect Ben, tempered only by the fact that though she seemed livid, he wasn't in his normal panicked state. That was about the only thing keeping her from making the situation all kinds of worse.

All 'Nee could do was sigh and let it drain away as Ben spoke, her expression melting into something unreadable as she stared down at the floor. Who was she without the rank she'd earned, the patches on her jacket she'd torn off and thrown away?

Enedra approached the pair, and with infinite care, pried Ben's collar out of the angry Cizerack's fingers. She smoothed it out but did not step between them, knowing that it was neither her place, nor truly necessary. But she remained there at Ben's side, gently nudging his shoulder with her own. "You've got me now, for what its worth."

Dark eyes turned back to Taataani, a brow lofting as her tone cooled. "He's risked his ship and his life to save mine countless times, and I've done the same in return. I didn't let him do anything. I severed my ties with the Alliance and Ben gave me somewhere to go when no one else would."

[Taataani Meorrrei]

She wanted to rant, rave, scream, and slap the taste out of Ben's mouth. The only thing staying her hand was that she was the highest order of hypocrite, and the entire foundation for her anger bordered on the absurd. That normally wasn't liable to stop her from following on such an instinct, but she found herself reliving the past. She couldn't even stop Cirrsseeto. Was Ben's situation any less valid?

Curled fingers relaxed, and her hands eased back to her sides.

"jIt'ss not the monejy jI'm upsset about. That merreljy annojyss me. jYou know whjy jI'm angrrjy."

The Matron looked from Ben to Enedra and back.

"jYou've placed jyourrsself jin dangerr, and now jyou'rre asskjing me - and mjy famjiljy - to sharre that dangerr."

It was a prospect she'd long dreaded, but had the foresight to at least prepare for.

"Ssjit down. Both of jyou."

[Ben Merasska]

Of course he knew why she was angry. He knew it from the second she'd thrown the glass into the wall; he felt a shiver of remembered cold.

But he couldn't - wouldn't - say anything about it. There was too much to be said on that subject for it to be worth much. She probably knew that he felt he was nearing the end of his rope, that the serendipitous 'luck' that had pulled him through so far was going to turn on him sooner or later.

He looked at her intently; he'd obviously been gearing up to say something, before he realized something.

"Hold on a second. We're - I'm - not asking you to share any sort of danger with me. That's why I told you we're going to have to skedaddle. Sure if the Empire has the ship name and information they'll come here looking for what you know about where I am." He stopped. "You're going to have to fire me, Mama Taa. Sooner the better. Get me off the books, and make it obvious for someone who's looking for it. Either that or make it like I've died. But they've got people who can tell if you're lying."

Taataani looked fixed on saying something mean again, and Ned, well, he didn't know her quite well enough to know what her expression meant yet. He hoped he'd get through this without having someone put their fist to his eye. Or eyes, he amended. Either or both.

[Enedra Myrrhe]

Perhaps, 'Nee mused, they should have taken the chance and gone to Sorrus. She'd had some few allies last time she checked, friends who would care enough to lend her a hand when called upon. People who owed her a debt that could easily be repaid with something of this magnitude.

Then again, landing on Sorrus would have meant dealing with her family. And those bridges, 'Nee had learned the hard way, had been well and truly burnt beyond repair. She'd have been arrested and handed over to the Imperials in the blink of an eye, and Ben, they'd likely have sheltered and aided him. Would have been worth it.

But...that was neither here nor there in that moment. They'd been bid to sit, and while there was still plenty of soldier in her that wanted to simply do so to expedite things, there was still some measure of proper Sorrusian society and manners left as well. Long strides took her over to where the Matron had retrieved her drink from earlier, a dark glance cast across the bottles and decanters arrayed on the bar.

Enedra poured a measure from the decanter she'd seen Taa use earlier, and added two ice cubes, swirling the glass as she returned the stopper to its place. She set the glass gently in the woman's hand before taking a seat, long legs crossed and hands clasped together in her lap. "Ben, sit..." she said after a moment, patting the cushion.

"...and stop looking like you're expecting me to hit you, for love of the stars. If I'd wanted to, I'd have done it already and you wouldn't have had time to think. I don't have a plan, or any ideas at all. I'm completely out of my element here and don't even know where to begin." 'Nee finished, her voice even and her expression mostly unreadable save for the concern that knit her brow together ever so slightly.

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Taataani took the drink in her hand with the barest of nods, appreciating the kind of subtle empathy Ben's companion employed.

"Sso what jif jI djid? Fjirre jyou, that jiss. What would jyou do? Wherre would jyou go?"

Ben could be magnanimous and offer to deflect all the heat that he wanted, it still didn't do anything to assuage the concern she had for him.

The Matron looked to Enedra for the answer to that question, and she wondered if she was the guardian for Ben in her stead.

Too many unanswered questions. She sipped at her liquor, eyes fixated on a spot on the floor as her mind moved past them. She thought of Kallum, her unofficial majordomo, and the risky business she already dealt with, in the shadows.

[Ben Merasska]

"I'm betting on the severance package," Ben confessed frankly, while also admitting that he'd actually read the contract he'd signed. "Use that and maybe the parts of the Kazellis that got us here - that ship's too rare to go unnoticed for long - buy a nice, anonymous ship, and fly out of here, and do what I've done since Yavin. Take jobs where I can, and try to stay ahead of the Empire."

He glanced at Ned, asking her without words for her opinion on that course; he hadn't discussed it with her, and she surely would have some say in how things would go down. She had seemed willing to stick with him, and it was much easier to work a tramp freighter with a first mate than by oneself.

"I owe you far too much to just up and leave," Ben said, trying to find some words to assure her that he would be okay and still be the truth. "Even though that seems to be... is... what I'm doing."

He stopped talking, obviously aware of how he was not making things better.

[Enedra Myrrhe]

Her dark chestnut gaze met and held Taataani's for several moments before the Cizerack woman looked away. There was much here that Enedra didn't understand, too many dynamics at play that she obviously wasn't aware of. And those, she mused, affected just how much she could and couldn't say in that moment.

But the look on Taa's face, that glance that asked a very plain question was easy enough even for her to interpret.

"I'll take care of him." 'Nee added quietly to Taa, waiting until Ben had finished and looked to her for an answer to another unasked question. Today seemed to be full of those.

"It's a good plan. We should be able to make a decent amount between the two of us and the ship. But you're right...we need to ditch the Kazellis for something more non-descript that will actually break atmosphere without breaking up."

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Taataani again weighed Enedra's assertiveness, and found that kind of initiative to give some comfort. She couldn't coddle Ben at all times, he wasn't a child, and she doubted he had any desire to be protected in a gilded cage. If he couldn't be always safe, then safe enough would have to do.

The next thing to consider was Enedra's demands for a practical ship. No matter how much she cared for Ben, she still knew exactly how much money she'd invested in him, and this was just adding to that pot. While she likely would never see that figure go into the black, in principle she really wanted it to try to get to that breakeven.

"jI can arrange that jindjirrectly sso jit doessn't come back to Meorrreicorrp, that'ss not a prroblem."

The Matron eased back on her desk so that her backside perched on the edge.

"Matterr of fact, therre majy jyet be ssome worrk jyou can do. Ssomethjing farr frrom the jImperrjialss, and ssomethjing not djirrectljy connected to me."

[Ben Merasska]

Ben blinked and smiled.

"Now see, that's what I like to hear. Work, far from the Empire, and for someone I trust very very much."

He paused.

"As to the ship, arrange something we can look at, maybe from local dealers or shops. I'll use the money in my account, the severance, and the parts from the junk-bucket to pay for it. I want to be making you money, Mama Taa, not taking it from you."

He thought for a moment.

"Well, taking any more than you've already sunk into me, that is."

He smiled weakly.

[Enedra Myrrhe]

Fingers smoothed out a crease in her pants, tugging the fabric neatly back into place over her knee. It was a small thing, perhaps meaningless to most, but unless she was in the field she preferred to be neatly attired at all times. With a soft sigh of agreement, she nodded as Ben spoke, although his expression made her fight the urge to thwap him.

Ahh well.

Enedra rose from her seat, a glance shared with Taataani that left a request lingering in the air between them. One she could well understand, knowing that they had things to discuss that she did not need to be privvy to. She offered both Ben and the Cizerack woman a smile before speaking. "If you'll both excuse me, I'm going to step out for a little bit. Perhaps get some air and refresh myself."

Measured steps took her to the doors, closing them behind her after slipping through. A soft question to the man that waited beyond them saw her directed to a lavishly appointed bathroom. She splashed cold water on her face and took stock of her reflection for several moments, patting her face dry with a soft towel.

Enedra sighed and shook her head as she put the towel back and stepped out of the bathroom. A glance was spared for the doors before she retreated down the hallway to find a balcony where she could sit and think until she was needed once more.

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Once more, Taataani was left impressed at Ben's companion. She'd certainly want to discuss matters with the woman before the two departed.

Alone with Ben, the Matron pressed off the top of her desk, stepping in front of him. She reached a hand to his face, running it along his jawline.

"Forr ssomeone sso ssoft sspoken, jyou'rre one of the mosst sstubborrn men jI've met, Ben Merrassska. jYou know jI could make all of thjiss trrouble go awajy, jif jyou'd let me."

Taataani leaned downward, and let her mouth find his.

[Ben Merasska]

Ben was expecting to be slapped. To be honest, he felt he deserved that much, and probably some words on the side about his cowardice and inability to truly pick a side being his biggest flaw.

Or maybe he was projecting his own thoughts onto Taa.

So the touch on his jaw had him tense and wait for the hit, when something else happened, that something else being that Mama Taa was kissing him.

Mama Taa was kissing him.

He pulled away, blinking rapidly.

"Well, uh, thanks," he said, stepping back, and regaining some equilibrium. That had come out of deep space. "But... but... what?"

He shook his head slowly and gawked at his boss, hoping for an explanation.

[Taataani Meorrrei]

"jI can't orrderr jyou, compel jyou, orr thrreaten jyou. Well, jI can, but mjy hearrt'ss not jin jit, Ben."

Still making contact with her hand, she ran it up and into his hair, letting her fingers muss it slightly.

"jI'm ussed to gettjing mjy wajy, but that'ss often not the wajy the galaxjy worrkss, no? Grravjitjy pullss thjingss thejirr own wajy. We all have thjingss we'rre rrunnjing to, orr rrunnjing frrom."

She took the seat adjacent to him, now facing him at eye level. A thrum of a purr caught nearly inaudible in her throat.

"Sstajy. Tonjight."

[Ben Merasska]

"Okay. Wait. No, no, no, no, no, no, no..."

Ben stood and paced, his negations obviously meant for himself.

"If I stay tonight," he said, looking at her once more, "then chances are I won't be leaving tomorrow."

Ben sat down again, though a bit careful not to get too close and invite another kiss; while not unenjoyable, the emotion behind the gesture was morose, a sadness at his leaving that an actual desire for him to stay. Or maybe he was projecting again.

"I can't be what you need, Taa," he said. "And while I'm happy to know that you care that much, the danger is real. I need you to believe me on this. Someone is going to walk through your doors and ask you questions about me. They're going to see through every lie, take answers from you before you've even opened your mouth. And when they're done, there won't be anything left of me up here." He pointed to his temple.

"I've seen what they do, Taa. It ain't right."

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Taa peered into Ben's eyes, hoping to find something less than resolve in what he'd told her. He wasn't backing down. She admired him, and hated him because she did. If he was only half the coward he masqueraded as, she'd have her way.

"jI know."

Though they were sitting next to each other, she could feel the light years growing in the distance between. Taa thought of Cirrsseeto, Loki, and Sanis. These curious males in her life that were hell-bent on forging their own way, even if so much of that journey was running from their own destruction. She thought of her beloved Taurrifar, and that terrible day that had brought her so close to Ben. In a way, it felt like letting him die again.

She smiled like the accomplished liar she was, that smile so easily covering the storm clouds that usually lurked just behind it, and leaned in again, this time to kiss his cheek. Her lips parted, and Taataani stood. A second later, and the Matriarch's poise returned to her. She returned to her desk, keyed in a few lines on a datapad, and returned to Ben, placing it in his hand.

"Kiaahondrree jImporrtss have a sshowrroom jin the captjital. jI don't do bussjinesss wjith them, but bjy all accountss thejy sstock a wjide asssorrtment of qualjitjy sstarrsshjipss. jI ssuggesst jyou sstarrt therre, Captajin."

[Ben Merasska]

Ben smiled wanly. He wasn't the brightest star in the night sky, but he could tell that she was hurt. At least it didn't seem like it hurt much, and she'd be over it by the next day.

He was almost sure of it.

"Seems high end, but it's a good place to start," he responded. An awkward silence followed, and he stood.

"Should I let myself out or...?"

[Taataani Meorrrei]

Taataani offered Ben her arm.

"Come wjith me. jI sstjill have to sspeak wjith thjiss woman jyou'rre trravelljing wjith, and make ssurre jI trrusst herr wjith jyou. What'ss herr name? jYou'll have to tell me all about that sstorrjy."

It was a transition, and she handled it with easy poise, even if she still wasn't quite ready for goodbyes.

[Ben Merasska]

"Uh," he thought a moment, absently taking Taa's arm and started walking. He'd started calling her 'Ned' and had promptly lost the actual name.

"Uh... Enedar? Enedra? I think that's it. Well, I was on my way back to you after delivering that snooty engineer, what's her name, Sainarrra-something," he waved his hand dismissively, "to that research station out by the Roche asteroids, with all those Verpines? She kept blathering on about some sorta missile project, saanja-something-or-others (Sundrop sounds like a fizzy drink, so I think I heard something wrong) being more important than being sent off to try and make some Verpine droid more profitable and sellable in the Cluster. Wouldn't just take a hint and enjoy the ride. So, I got a message on my way back to you about a profitable venture picking up a group of outed militia guys doing some mischievous things on an Imperial planet. I asked if there was anyone else, and they said no, and lowered the amount. So I took it and flew off to the planet..."

[Taataani Meorrrei]

She wondered if he was sweet on her, because he'd started to ramble, and it was a knack of his when put on the spot. Still, he'd let slip something important that she'd have to follow up on later, when she had time to consider the playthings of Cizerack engineers.

"Sso sshe'ss mjiljitjia? Carreful not to make herr jealouss, then."

[Ben Merasska]

Ben thought a moment, the jealous comment not quite slipping by.

"She was militia I think. Got herself in with... you know, them," he avoided saying the 'Rebels' after a thought that perhaps it wasn't the best time to bring them up directly. He shrugged. "She could be jealous, I don't know. I've worked with her about twice now.

"Anyway, so there's a bunch of speeder bikes, AT-STs, and a shuttle shooting like they had all the tibanna in the galaxy to waste and Ned is all 'I'm staid and cool and silent', and the young girl is all 'Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh!'"

Ben mimed Ned with a voice deeper than his own, and the girl's voice was pretty badly done as it pretty much just sounded like him.

"And I'm nearly about to soil myself because they're all really trying to kill me..."