The One Square Wipe

Zeke recalled Obi-Wan Kenobi as a stuffy man with lofty ideas about civilization and propriety and dignity. He wouldn't use blasters, he wouldn't belch or fart audibly, he wouldn't even turn his eyes to look at a pretty female if one happened to wander by. Zeke had always teased him, but now, as he crouched on the rim of a toilet, clutching a roll of toilet paper as if ti were a weapon, hiding from security in a female refresher, Obi-Wan's voice was the only one his mind could conjure.

So uncivilized! How undignifying!

Pretty much. Serasai Onashi hid out in the stall next to him, breathing hard and laughing under his breath. At least someone was having fun.

“How did you get me into this again?” Zeke hissed as the tromp of boots pounded by outside. “You Novgorod guys have the weirdest ideas about what logistical smash-and-grab missions ought to entail!”

But even he had to admit, this was going to be entirely worth it.

Onashi shrugged, even though the Jedi couldn't see the action through the stall partition. Or could he? The mercenary wasn't quite sure what powers the Force bestowed on its chosen.

"You volunteered," he said with a grin, making sure the hospital orderly uniform wasn't too rumpled. He missed his big gun, but the small Westar hidden underneath his jacket was some consolation.

He opened the stall and exited, swaggering over to the doorway.

"The doc and the ship are after medicines and bacta. But I owe the doc, and I so rarely get a chance to follow through on a promise like that."

Serasai Onashi owed Doctor Vek some of the highest grade shit paper in the galaxy, and he was in a position to actually get some.

"Come on. All we needed to do was create a disturbance so the main team could grab the high-profile goods. Now lets wreak some havoc. And find the shit paper they give to the Moffs and governors."

He opened the door, and grinned when two female doctors paused just on the threshold.

"You know," he said, leaning against the frame and giving them his smoothest smile. "It's rude to keep a guy waiting."

They stared dumbfounded at Onashi, their emotions warring between outrage, insult, arousal, and humor. Zeke pressed past, pawning off the roll of crummy 1-ply toilet paper he'd been about to throw on security personnel. "You'll need that," he said. "I hear you have to use it on both ends."

Their shocked outcries were cut short as he pulled Onashi out by the sleeve and herded them in, shutting the door to the refresher behind them. "Ok, so there should be a janitor closet around here somewhere with toilet paper. I mean, we just hid out in a latrine, there's bound to be some nearby." He set off toward the near end of the hallway and found it. He opened the door to find a security officer and nurse, half undressed and enjoying an extremely heated, passionate moment. The paused and looked at him. By some miracle, Zeke maintained eye-contact.

"Naaaaahahahahaha. Ooops." He shut the door and started to sneak away, but stopped when the security guard's comm crackled to life. "Two men, one with short hair, one with long, wearing leather jackets and thieving supplies. Find them!"

Zeke took off at a sprint, the guard falling out of the closet behind him and running even as he did up his pants. "No TP in there," he said helpfully to Onashi as they ran by.